I've been trying to get to your song to review it... but have not had much time. lol
Anyways, as said below, the song is quite repetitive. And I know what you are thinking about the VGM being repetitive by nature, as I once thought the same thing... but the more you get in depth with it the more you realize that is not the case... In fact in alot of ways, video game music follows the same pattern as most classical music. Have you ever taken the time to break apart the Super Mario Bros theme? (it has 3 patterns and a counter melody. And trust me you listen to that song, the one thing you don't think is "Repetitive")
Now, as far as the actual review goes... I do like the feel of this song, and so I feel that you get away from that melody overlay concept and followed the plot chart on this song, you might have something quite good that I know would rank high. At least in my books! XP
What I recommend you do is work on flow. You could flow from this melody into another melody, add some tension, and some climax... Let me just say! I would be simply amazed to hear something like that from you! Anyways, overall, 4/5. Good job!